Sharing our room with our kids.

Our four and a half year old slept like a dream (outside of being sick, teething or reaching a major milestone) from 6 weeks old on. When he hit two and a half years old, nearly 3 really, he stopped sleeping through the night. He would wake up constantly.

There were monsters. Daddy snored too loud. He had a bad dream. He was scared something would happen to one of us.

It’s been 2 years of having a 3-4 year old in our bed with us every single night and not getting any sleep. We’ve tried everything.

As an “I’m going to lose my shit. I need sleep. This kid HAS to sleep somewhere but our bed. Nothing else has worked  last resort, a week ago, I moved his bed into our room. I put it right beside our bed. There is about two feet between our bed and the wall on one side and not quite a foot of space between our bed and his. His bed is right up against the wall. I had to move the rocking chair, the baby’s diaper changing area and the baby’s dresser out of our room and into the “boys” room. All of the boys clothing, the baby’s dresser and diapers are all in there and need organized still.  Basically all of the boys things are in their room but String Bean and his bed.

I was waiting to organize everything to see if he’d actually sleep in his own bed in our room first. I didn’t want to have to waste time organizing if it wasn’t going to work and I’d have to move it all back.  It’s been a full week and apart from the first night, he’s stayed in his bed from 8 or 9 pm until 6:30-7:30 every single night. It’s been a dream!

It’s been so amazing being able to actually cuddled up with my husband at night without a kid in our bed. Ah-maz-ing!

So this week’s house goals are:

Catch up on laundry.

Reorganize the diapers and clothing in the boys room.

Put my clothing back in my dresser. (I’d been sharing my dresser with Butter Bean and 2 of my 4 drawers were his clothing. Now I can keep my barn clothing, lingerie and workout clothes in there too again instead of just pjs and undergarments!)

Thankfully we found a solution to sleep. Sometimes as a parent you can’t go “by the books” and do things the “right” or “perfect” way. Sometimes you have to do what works. I didn’t like having String Bean in our bed because we weren’t getting quality sleep with a kicking, tossing and turning preschoolers arms and legs flailing around, hitting us in the head, back, face…etc. I’d much rather have him in our room, in his own bed and sleeping if that’s what a good quality sleep for us (and him) comes down to. I am not up for fighting him all night to stay in his room and keeping everyone else up all night and I had had it up to my ears with him keeping us up all night crying or tossing around in our bed.
Family always comment that they wouldn’t let him sleep like that…and how do we ever find time for sex. You have to do what works. Sex doesn’t have to happen in our bed…sometimes sneaking off to another part of the house is more fun anyway. 😉

At any rate, I’m just happy something is finally working. If we have another baby in the future and String Bean is still in our bedroom, then we’ll just set up the baby bed next to the other side of our bed like we did with Butter Bean anyway and I’ll stack the baby dresser on top of my dresser like we did when our second was born (in our old home) and we didn’t have space to put her dresser on the floor anywhere. Either way, the longer I have kids and the more kids we have, the more I’m at piece with not doing things perfect and not having our house picture perfect. I always saw our room as “our special private spot.” Magazines, blogs, and Facebook seem to tell you that your room should be your sanctuary and a place where you feel at peace but as a parent, I believe your room should also be a safe haven for your kiddos when they feel sick or scared. My husband feels at peace in his workshop, outside and I feel at peace at my kitchen table or in the one corner of the living room. When the kids are asleep we find time for each other in the living room.

When the kids are all grown up, we can have our “sanctuary” bedroom. For now, I’m content with how things are.

 

Myself

The #2 thing I’m working on: Myself.

I constantly feel crappy. I have not been eating clean like I used to. I’ve just been horrible at it. Before kids, I weighed 128lbs. I’m 5’4″ so I was in the normal BMI range. I wore a size 5 jeans and they were baggy on me.

After my first child, I weighed 138lbs and wore a size 8. I started eating clean and gluten free while doing my first workouts which were just dancing. Then I did my first real workout:  The 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. I felt great. I got down to 126lbs, then got pregnant.

With my second child, I initially gained 10 pounds within a month, then lost 15 pounds during the first trimester from being so sick. I then gained back 20lbs over the last 2 trimesters…so all together I only gained around 15lbs by the end. After I had her I dropped down to 122lbs just by eating gluten free 95% of the time, doing some light weight training and breastfeeding. I felt great. I got down to a size 4 and loved my body.

When I got pregnant with my third, I weighed 122lbs then jumped up to 165+lbs by the end. It was the only pregnancy I didn’t eat healthy and didn’t care what I ate in. After he was born I dropped to 148lbs and stayed there for 2 months, then did a half assed juice cleanse and dropped to 138lbs. I went on birth control for a month and it made me lose about 5 more pounds. When I stopped nursing I dropped to 130lbs and stayed there…now I’ve hiked back up to 138lbs and am considered obese.

Depression, stress and sleep loss are all causes for weight gain and retention.

I’m depressed because I’m slightly overweight. Being overweight causes depression and I get depressed because I don’t like how I look. Therefore, I am having trouble being happy with anything because I am self conscious and unhappy about myself…then I get scared and anxious that my husband won’t love me anymore if I don’t look good for him. He’s NEVER given me that idea and always tells me I’m beautiful at any weight. However, 5-10 years ago when he used to go on trips for college or just out with the guys (who were all “christian” boys and I knew they would set him straight even if he tried anything stupid), my mom would tell me…pound into my head rather, that he was probably out with girls. When they were on one trip to a FFA convention out west, he called me then had to go not long after because they were all going to the pool at the hotel. My mother told me that he was probably checking out all of the girls and they were probably skinny girls in bikinis. These were her own insecurities that she pounded into me. This always made me incredibly insecure and I still have trouble getting over it…so I get scared he might be out with someone instead of working late. He works a minute away and I can see his work from home so I know he’s not but after having that pounded into your brain 5 of the almost 10 years of our relationship has caused some lasting effect. I thought I was over it but since having my third last March and not losing the weight or keeping it off, those insecurities are back.

I sat down her over the last 2 weeks and researched workouts and healthy meal prep. I slowly started dancing again. If you haven’t done it, look into Dance Fitness with Jessica on Youtube. Her workouts are awesome. Seriously.

After doing that and realizing how hard it is to actually do much of a workout with 3 small kids, I got to thinking that I had to do something different. The whole week had been a struggle. I felt too depressed that the kids wouldn’t join in or I’d have to stop 20 times during one song to break up fights, help empty the potty into the big potty or whatever they got into. Doing it while they are asleep is pointless because the boys can hear a pin drop in the morning. At night, I prefer to spend my time with my hubby because I value our relationship and that time alone together. It got to where I was trying to decide whether or not to join the gym again. I quit going because “life got too hectic.” << My excuse. Honestly though? I was intimidated and didn’t prepare for the gym like I should have. I also didn’t feel like my hubby was being supportive of my fitness goals.

As I was deciding all of this, I got a text from the guy who originally signed me up letting me know there was a promotion going on if I wanted to sign up again. The promotion includes a free hour with a trainer. I pondered this for a week. The day before the promotion ended, I texted him back asking if there were still spots available for the promotion. He told me there were 3 left. I made an appointment. I went in last night and signed up officially.

I downloaded Spotify onto my phone and have been working on a playlist to keep me moving and make me feel mad/pumped while I workout. It’s mostly heavy metal songs.

I ordered an armband to hold my phone.

I ordered some good quality workout pants that I don’t have to wear underwear with (having underwear lines make me uncomfortable).

I ordered my favorite protein powder.

I did research on how to lose weight and build lean muscle at the gym so I’d know what to do to not look like a lost pup at the gym. While researching I was feeling so overwhelmed and about to give up then I found bodybuilding.com. The site has a place where you can customize a workout plan and follow that daily. There are videos that show you how to use each machine and how to do each work out. There are also pdf’s you can print to take with you and follow while at the gym. First I am doing one of the weight loss plans which is 6 weeks then I plan to start one of the muscle building plans. (I am not affiliated with the site at all…I only found it yesterday morning.)

I’ve been doing food and meal planning today. Over the last week, I cooked and froze a months worth of chicken and rice in healthy serving sizes in a half assed attempt at meal planning. I went shopping last night and got some things to help me along. I am planning to cut back my gluten intake. Even though I don’t believe I have a gluten allergy, I do believe my body reacts to what has been done to gluten and whole grains make me bloat up like a floaty.

The meal plan I have set up for myself is based loosely off of the 21 day fix plan…just modified for me and what I feel I need.

My plan is to have the following daily:

3 (1 cup) servings of veggies

2 (1 cup) servings of fruits

4 (3/4 cup or roughly 6 oz) servings of protein daily (one of which will be a protein shake)

2-3 (1/2 cup) servings of healthy carbs (potatoes, sweet potatoes, rice, quinoa, corn…)

2 oz (give or take) of healthy fats a day. Healthy fats are avocados, oils, nuts, seeds, butters…and so on.

Before I start my plan, I plan on doing a 3 day juice cleanse to reset my system. I researched different cleanses and I ordered the 3 day juice cleanse from Jus by Julie. They are pricey but I don’t have time to make my own juices right now.

Ultimately I need to get back into shape and I intend to do so. There has been a fit fire lit inside of me and I will fuel it. I can’t fulfill my dreams along with being a good mom  if I don’t take care of myself first.

 

 

Priorities

The house.

Me.

My marriage.

My kids.

While working on the rest, a routine. A REAL routine.

That is the order of what I’ve been working on things. Let me explain why I put things in that order.

#1- The house.

I decided on organizing and cleaning the entire house first because our home needs to be in order for my mental health. If I can’t find something due to the fact that everything is cluttered or disorganized, I become an angry bird. I HATE not being able to find something…I like clean, organized and easy to find. The big part of my stress is clutter and disorganization. We have 3 small children so toys all over is kind of inevitable but at least if the toys are kept to a minimum, things go a little more smoothly with daily clean up.
I’ve been going through and cleaning out everything once again.

 

#2- Me.

There will be a separate post on this but I NEED to get my health back. I’m depressed. I’m going back into obesity. I’m insecure. I’m bloated all of the time. I’m not eating healthy. I have been losing my temper. There’s a lot about myself I need to work on. I can’t be a good mom, wife and homemaker if I’m not the best “me” I can be. We have to work on ourselves too.

I also need to work on my beliefs. I am reading a book and have another yet to work on. I’ll do a post about those later on though.

#3- My marriage.

Honestly, there isn’t much [extra] work to do. We work daily at our relationship. You have to when you’re married. The biggest thing here is that we need to make more time for dates. We used to do date night in a lot since we can’t really go out. We need to start those again…it’s just that we one kid in particular who will not go to bed at night until after 9pm. I plan on starting date night in with a movie and dessert though since we can’t order takeout at 9:30pm…that’s just too late for take out.

#4- My kids.

When my kids ask me for things, I act like a kid myself with my huffing, puffing, foot stomping and hand waving. I’m not being a good mom. I make them feel like their needs are not important or are a burden to me. “Ugh! I just got you milk…Go sit down a little bit.” “Ok…go now. Go watch a show.” “Alright guys…I’m over this. Go do something.” “I don’t feel like helping you right now…” “Ugh, ok mommy needs to be left alone.” I hate it. I was in a depressed and down right mean fog.

I yell entirely too much. I get frustrated to easily. This is not me. Not my normal parenting. I can see the hurt in their eyes but I didn’t know how to snap out of it.

We are so off schedule. There hasn’t been much structure to our day because the house is disorganized, I feel fat and unmotivated and I am in a depression which makes me foggy minded. I end up sitting around on the computer all day talking to “friends” on Facebook and forums or searching how to be a better mom. I’ve developed a spending problem so I sit and shop online a lot too.

Bedtimes suck. I have not kept the kids on a good bedtime routine.

Mornings suck. I sleep too late then have to give them waffles and sugary cereal for breakfast and let them watch t.v. while I hop in the shower quick. Then we rush out the door unable to find anything.

Basically my kids watch t.v. all day around preschool and I don’t give them enough attention. Social media and online shopping has got to go…except this blog. This blog is where I need to start writing at night to ease my stress. I rely too much on Google, Pinterest and Facebook for my mothering and house then feel like a complete failure.

My mantras are “Do YOU” and “Time is precious. Waste it wisely.” Nope. I’m not. I’m online waisting the time I have with my kids researching how to be a better mom.

“How to be a good mom.” The answer doesn’t come with how many crafts you can get in or feeling overwhelmed because Pinterest or Facebook tells you that you have to do it all. Kids just want our love and attention. They could care less how much we research if we don’t get off our butts and actually do stuff with them. My kids are happy (and I get more exercise) when I get off of my butt and just play with them. Chase, hide and seek, putting pillows out and jumping from pillow to pillow or blanket to blanket avoiding the “hot lava”, making faces, stuffed animal battles, pillow fights, forts…that’s what they want. Turn off google, Pinterest and Facebook and just be present…I promise you’ll get creative on your own. What’d our mothers and grandmothers ever do before all of this??

“Organizing (insert whatever area)” If I look around I’ll figure it out on my own. I used to always organize and be so happy with my house. I was told by friends and family that I was naturally talented in the area of organizing. Now I look online and see all it “could” be or “should” be and then I’m discontent and feel the need to order more and MORE organizing items. I used to be creative. I’ve lost that ability to the internet telling me I have to be more creative.

“Meal planning 101” It’s simple really. Take all of your basic meals or meals you make often, mix them up in one night and freeze them. Easy. If you’re not sure if something will freeze easily, do a quick search or call grandma. She knows. Trust me. Mine does. Some of the stuff I call her about, she replies with “we never worried about this stuff…we just tried it and if it didn’t work, we knew for next time.” Words of wisdom.

I sometimes think the internet has made us too dumb to figure life out on our own in today’s world. How did the “old folks” ever do it?

All of this researching and playing on the computer has taken away from the 3 things I love most. I am powering down everything but my blog, the news and music we listen to on youtube. I will allot a small amount of time here and there for social media and that is all. I plan to set a timer and when the timer goes off, I’m done on the computer.

Television time is also being regulated with my kids more. They are bored and their minds are being destroyed by too much t.v. because I’ve been a lazy depressed mother. No more. Now it’s time to change.

All in all, I need to change a lot. It’s been a long time coming. I keep saying I need to change. I know how to change…I just don’t because I get drawn back in to my old “addictions”. Yeah it sounds weird but that’s what they are. I believe social media is harder to quit than hard drugs.  I’m over that. I want to be happy. I want happy kids and a happy life. I want to follow my dreams…I can’t achieve anything if I keep spending all of my time and our money in a wasteful manner.

Re-evaluating “me”

I’ve been incognito.

 

I’m sorry.

 

I’ve been kind of re-evaluating myself.

 

What do I want to do with my life?

Do I really want one more baby, right now?

What do I believe spiritually?

What are my goals for the year…for the next 5 years…the next 10?

What can I do to save more money to achieve my dreams?

How can I be a better, more in tune mom?

I am working on these things. After much time researching and feeling completely depressed and down on myself (I had forgotten to take my st johns wort which I’m sure isn’t helping) and my life over the holidays and so far this month…plus a complete emotional breakdown, I think I know what needs done. I plan on writing about these things as I go through and accomplish them. I had to list out one by one on paper what I need to work through. Here I am.

Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Kid free day of catch up and sewing

Hubbs took the kids to visit family. ALL THREE OF THEM. By himself.

((happy dance))

I got up and started cleaning house immediately. The laundry is underway. I have 2 basketfuls and a bag of cloth diapers to fold. The dishes were left out from supper because I knew I’d have a full day to myself. I have deer meat to can and freeze. I have a TON of sewing to catch up on for Christmas gifts. I plan to do a quick clean sweep of the house and wash the floors before I do anything else.

A major perk of keeping things minimal:

It only takes me an hour to two hours tops to clean the entire, 1400 square ft house from top to bottom and wash the floors. Talk about mommy win!

My “to do” list for today:

Clean:

• Kitchen: Dishes done, counters disinfected, papers put away.
• Dining room: Clean up from dinner last night.
• Living room: Spot clean couch and clean up toys.
• Each bedroom: Clean up toys, make beds, put away random stuff.
• Bathroom: Clean up counters, tub, toilet and mirror.

Wash and vacuum floors

Laundry: Washed, folded, put away

Run to town for meat paper, jar lids, tea tins (homemade tea gifts) and a few other last minute gift items.

Order secret santa gift (for a mom group I’m in) and other Christmas items

Can and freeze deer meat

Go through Christmas gifts and figure out what the kids have and have not gotten…order what I’ve forgotten

SEW:

• At least 7 hats (if I have time I need to make my kids, my MIL, and my hubby one too so possibly 12)
• Finish Sweet Peas dress
• Heating pad cover for my sisters gift
• 2 pillows for my BIL
• Matching scarves for sister and BIL
• Finish Blanket for Butter Bean

If I have time to sew:

• Simple “fairy” dress for Sweet Pea (basically a hanky hem skirt sewn on to a shirt that she loves and fits her everywhere except length)
• 5-10 sets of mittens
• Matching pajama pants for the kids

Most of my sewing projects should only take 15-40 mins to make each. The dresses will probably take an hour each to make. Most of it is easy straight stitch, simple patterns. The mittens are fold back, fingerless mittens so I’m not sure how easy they will be. I don’t use patterns…I can’t read them but I can make my own. If I don’t have time to make them, I  plan to order them pre-made tonight before I got to bed.

Today will be a packed day. I’m *planning* to do tutorials on some of the items so look for those in the future!  Most are very quick and easy but sweet and simple gifts.

Now that my coffee is drank and I’m feeling wide awake…time to throw on some good music, tackle these dishes, speed clean the house, take a quick shower and run to town for my canning supplies. I may check back in tonight with an update post of what I actually did accomplish today.

The awesome thing about minimalism is that it rocks for quick cleaning and on top of that…when you have three kids under 4 years old, you know how to clean fast so the house cleaning part should be a breeze!

 

My wonderful, full day of hunting.

Monday I got to sit in the mountain all day long and just hunt, in peace, alone.

We have to travel an hour and a half just to go to the hometown…which is also where we hunt.

Monday morning, I had my alarm set for 3:30. I remember sitting up and turning off my alarm then next thing I know I jolted awake suddenly at 4:40. I jumped up and got a quick shower and got myself ready then ran around grabbing everything I needed for the kids. We should have left the house shortly after 4. We never left until 5:20. I wanted to be at the farm before 6. We got there at 6:40. It was already pretty light out. This was my last day to hunt for the season because I’m a mom and have other things that need put first.

We got the kids settled in with my in laws and headed up the mountain. We hunt on the farm…they have 200 acres and 1/3 of it is mountain land.

We got to our stands at 7:10. I was so upset that we were getting to the stand after daylight when deer are usually moving in. I even commented that I should have just stayed home. Hubby told me it’d still be a good day…not to get too upset before I see how the day goes. This is one of the reasons why I love him. He made sure I was settled in and he walked up to his stand.

At 7:30 I heard something moving and it didn’t sound like squirrels. I slowly started to look around me. There is some brush below my stand and  as I was looking down below, I saw legs. I couldn’t see if it was buck or does but I could see at least 2 sets of legs. I got my gun ready and watched through the scope. When they stepped out, I saw that they were both does. One was bigger and more plump then the other. I had both doe and buck tags so I decided to take whatever I had a good shot at first. I waited for a few mins as they worked their way up to me, watching behind them to make sure there wasn’t a buck following them. No buck. When they got closer and out of the brush completely, I decided to try and shoot the bigger of the two. She came up and stood perfectly broadside. I aimed, took a deep breath to calm myself down, then squeezed the trigger.

The bullet when in right where I was aiming. She turned, took two leaps then rolled to the ground immediately. I squealed, “Yes! Thank you Lord!”

The other doe stood there and kept feeding like nothing happened. She slowly worked her way up the mountain as I waited, thinking maybe there was a buck coming since the other doe just kept standing there. That doe meandered up the mountain feeding right at my stand for an entire hour before she went over the ridge where I couldn’t see her.

I got down and started to work my way down to the doe I had shot. When I got down to her, she was HUGE. It took a lot of stregnth to roll her over enough to gut her. I got her gutted out and as I pulled out the heart, I realized just how perfect the shot was. My bullet completely severed the main arteries that run into the top of the heart. The heart was in perfect shape (I eat the hearts if they are intact) and I didn’t mess up any meat. The bullet went in right behind one shoulder, severed the arteries running into the heart and came right out just behind the other shoulder. Perfect. Those shots are my favorite because I know the deer died instantly without suffering at all and it doesn’t mess up any meat.

My hubby texted me saying, “Well?”

I texted him back, “Big old doe!!”

Hubby: “She down?”

Me: “Yep!!!”

Hubby: “Good job”

A little while later I saw a little deer walk up through, then the big doe that was with the one I shot came back down through with the littler one.

Around 10, a group of deer ran down on top of a ridge next to me that is also covered in brush. Just then Hubbs texted me, “I’m heading down.” I told him there were deer moving beside me…”DON’T MOVE.” He asked where, I told him which direction they were. They were all does that I could tell and they went over the other ridge.

10:30 Hubbs texted me, “Safe now?” I answered, “LOL, yeah sorry.” A few minutes later, he walked down to me and asked where my doe was laying. I showed him and he told me he’d be back up with the four wheeler to get her after bit. He told me, “Stay as long as you want and enjoy yourself today…the kids will be ok with us.” then he walked down past her so he’d know where to bring the four wheeler. He knew I needed a day alone to just simply “be” and enjoy nature.

He came back up around 11:30 and got the doe so he and his dad could skin her out and hang her up .

I sat all afternoon. I fell asleep for about 8 minutes around 2. All I saw were squirrels in the 5 1/2 hours between when Hubbs went down and the time evening came. About 40 minutes before dark, I started seeing movement. Two does came down the mountain. 3-4 does ran across in the brush below me.  A doe came down the mountain. Suddenly I saw a big group working it’s way down from the top of the mountain. I looked at every single deer as they were moving down and only saw does. There were 12 deer in that group. By the time they got down to where I normally can’t see them anymore, it was getting pretty dark.

It was dark out when I finally climbed down out of the stand. I passed two does in the field after dusk as I was working my way down out of the mountain.

I got in the house and told my hubby and FIL about the trip. MIL was annoyed and grumpy. She claimed she had the kids all day and couldn’t handle all 3 and do the cooking and cleaning she had to do. I scolded Hubbs for letting the kids with her all day and he told me that the older two were outside “helping” take care of the cows with him and his dad all day. He told me the kids were only inside for snacks and drinks here and there but he and FIL were in too and that MIL was just grumpy. We just don’t think she can handle the kids very well because of their closeness in age and that they are so young. She’s only 56 year old but gets worn out easily.

I called my dad to see if I could drop my doe off to have him process it. He said he would so after dinner, we got the kids ready for bed, loaded them up and took the doe over to dads. The kids were asleep like usual in the car so we dropped it off with him, chatted for a few minutes with dad, my brother and my pap then headed home. Dad cuts up deer for most of the family and friends close to where he lives. He offers his “butcher shop” to anyone who needs a spot to clean up their deer. He built a special building years ago just for processing wild game, beef, and hogs we butcher each winter.

When we got home, I got the coffee maker set and ready (it’s got a time setting to automatically start brewing in the morning), took off my makeup and went straight to bed.

All in all, I had a nice relaxing day. I got to drink in the beauty of the mountain. The weather was absolutely beautiful. It was 50+ degrees and sunny. The mountain was so quiet and still all day apart from what seemed like thousands of squirrels. I got a doe. I got to think and clear my mind without the chaos of kids running amuck. I felt exhausted but refreshed and thankful for my hubby making me take a day for myself.

 

Unexpected Excitement Hunting

This past Saturday, I was supposed to go hunting with my dad. After 2 weeks of craziness, I was excited to get out in the fresh mountain air and enjoy the time with just nature and my thoughts, while I sat in the stand.

I got up at 3:30 and left the house, with kids in tow by 4 a.m. I got to the hometown around 5:20 a.m. I dropped the kids off and got them settled in with my mom, who promised to watch them then headed to the mountain. My dad and brother hike 45 minutes to their stands and I was hunting in my old spot down low…only a 15-20 minute hike. I sat in the car until 5:45 and decided to start heading up the trail. I got all of my stuff ready. I put my flashlight in my pocket, put on my gloves, got my gun out and started loading it. I shut the car door and started to walk up to the fence. Where I hunt, I have to cross a cow pasture to get to the mountain.

The next thing I know, I hear the sound of something huffing and breathing heavy. I didn’t hear the sound of anything running, just a huffing sound. As I was looking to figure out where the sound was coming from, I noticed a large dark figure moving across the field beside me. It took me a moment to realize it was a big black bear. I have never seen such a huge bear. It was at least a 400-500 pound bear. As it hit the horizon running away from me, I could see just how big he was and let me say, he was massive. I decided to stay by the car a little longer.

At about 6a.m. I decided to go ahead and try to go up to my stand. That bear should have still been down in the thicket across the field so why not go ahead up? I took my time and really looked around as I was walking to make sure no bears were lurking about. I haven’t hunted with my dad in that mountain for 3 years so things have changed in the mountain a little. I got up to where my stand *should* be and didn’t see it. I wanted to get up in the tree as fast as possible. For one because…bears and for two because it was getting a little light out and deer were moving.

My dad texted me and asked if I found my stand and I said “no”. I told him what was around me and that I knew the stand was within 20 feet…I just couldn’t find it. He told me to go back to the one point and it was right there next to the splintered stump. I walked back and before I even got back to the stump, I walked right to the stand. I had somehow walked right past the stand coming in. I think it had to do with the bear sighting before daylight.

I got up in my stand and by 7:00, I saw two does. I watched them for a bit but didn’t have a good clear shot. They walked down the mountain and I sat there waiting and pondering life. The next thing I know, the whole herd of cows (they have access to a small part of the bottom of the mountain), came stampeding up the mountain to their boundary fence and started running along it down the mountain. I’ve never seen cows run so fast. One young cow even fell and rolled around a bit, then hopped up and kept running. I had no idea what to think.

After about 5-10 minutes, after the stampede, I looked to my left and saw the same two does standing over opposite of where they were when I saw them the first time. They were right in the brush and I didn’t have a good shot. Then they took off after only a couple of minutes. About 5 minutes after that, I heard something over in that direction. It was the sound of huffing and growling. I’ve heard plenty of deer in my life and it was not a deer. It wasn’t a cow either. What I heard was a bear. I didn’t see it but I could hear it over on the far side of the brush. I texted my dad about it. He said there were quite a few up there this year. The last few years are the first years we’ve ever had bears around here. They were nearly non existent but lately they’ve made a major comeback.

Not long after that I heard a shot behind me, up the mountain. My uncle was hunting up there. Dad called to tell me that my uncle got an 8 point. Not long after that, I heard a four-wheeler and my uncle drove down past me, holding up a really nice 8 and grinning at me. I smiled and gave him a thumbs up. He must have spooked out deer traveling down because I had a group of 4 then a group of 8 go up the mountain running right after he went down but no shot presented itself.

I was pretty stoked since I had an exciting morning. At 10:30, my mom texted me, telling me she had an interview in a town 30 mins away and was going to take my kids along in MY van. I told her not to. She said she’d call my gramma and have her baby sit. I told her not to. My gramma is NOT all there and I absolutely do not trust her with my kids, not to mention the fact that I have 3 kids under the age of 5. They aren’t so easy to keep up with…especially for a 70 some year old lady. Mom got all worked up and I told her not to leave, I’d be there soon.

I called my dad and told him what went down and he said that he thought I knew she had an interview. I told him I had no idea. He called her and got on her case about it. I started to leave the mountain. I got all of the way down to the field and she called me and told me she canceled the interview. This is the 3rd cancel she’s done to potential employers. NOT good.

Mom was upset with me for leaving the mountain but what else was I going to do?

Saturday afternoon, we left for home and had to get ready for a banquet for Hubb’s work. We stayed for all of 5 minutes and I had to take the kids out and go home. They were too tired and String Bean was NOT listening. All in all…apart from my mom’s shenanigans, I had a good time. I even got to visit with my pap a while.

Hellish 2 Weeks, Part 3.

Monday morning we were supposed to go hunting. It was opener of rifle season for our state. I love hunting. I’ve never missed an opening day in my 15 years hunting except for the year Sweet Pea was born. She was born Friday and opener was that Monday so there was no hunting for me. We stayed home this year. I slept on Sweet Peas floor again. In the morning (at around 5:30 or 6), Butter Bean woke up for some milk. I got him a bottle and put him back to bed because he was so sleepy. He didn’t even fight…he just went right back to sleep. I snuck over to our room and hopped in bed with Hubbs and String Bean after I got Butter Bean to sleep.

By 7:30 a.m. all 3 kids were up and the boys were ready and rearing to go. Sweet Pea seemed a little better and was happier but was still sore.  Hubbs got up with the kids and left me sleep until 9:30 a.m. When I got up I made bacon and eggs for everyone. We laid around and watched movies all day. I worked at laundry. Hubbs had the virus in full form.

Tuesday morning I decided to grab the kids breakfast on the way to preschool. All went smoothly. We were running a little behind but not too badly. Preschool is 25 minutes from our house. We got within about 5 minutes of the preschool and Sweet Pea suddenly started to throw up in the car. I pulled over on a busy tourist town street and quickly got her out of the car. It was rainy, cold and dreary that day. She threw up all over the sidewalk. I was so thankful it was raining. An elderly man was out when this all was going on and he looked horrified or disgusted, I’m not sure which. I didn’t know what to do though. I couldn’t just let her in the car to throw up. I didn’t have extra clothes for her so I wiped her up with as many Burger King and Starbucks napkins as I could find and tossed her back in her seat. I got String Bean to preschool, pulled up to the door and ran him inside. I told the director what was going on and asked her to walk him to class for me. On the way home from drop off, Butter Bean started to throw up all over his seat and the back of my van. I didn’t even have a chance to get him out so I drove just a little faster.

I called my mom and asked if she was busy. I had already told her and my MIL that I might need some assistance with the kids that week. I NEVER outright ask them to help me unless I have to. Neither of them felt like helping me so no help came. There was no way I was going to get my carseats cleaned up enough to go pick String Bean up. I asked my mom to run and pick up String Bean for me. She complained and hee-hawed around. Hubbs said he couldn’t. I was stuck. Both car seats were covered in puke and needed scrubbed out. The back of my van was a mess. Mom finally decided on helping me and told me she’d be down. I bathed the younger two and put them down for naps. Sweet Pea also had diarrhea which got stuck in her drain a lot and was very painful for her. It also caused her to have a blistered open diaper rash right next to the drain so that was double the fun.

She dropped String Bean off and I thanked her. I made sure she knew I appreciated it. She sat here and gave me a sob story. Her nerve was acting up in her leg and she was “dying” and so on…It took all she could to make it down to pick him up because she was so sick, so she said. I got a real guilt trip. She was mad that the other two were sleeping and actually went in to wake them up before she left JUST to say hi to them. She finally left at 2:30pm. String Bean begged me to put up the tree so we did that that afternoon.

Wednesday, the younger two still weren’t up to par. I had Butter Bean’s seat washed and dried but Sweet Peas takes FOREVER to dry so it wasn’t ready yet. I popped an old carseat (one I don’t really care for or trust as much) in the van for Sweet Pea and took String Bean to school. Both of the younger two still had diarrhea. I called Hubbs and asked him to pick up String Bean from school for me. Both of the “babies” were fussy and clingy. Both also needed naps. He said he would and I laid the babies down to nap. The kids were all incredibly fussy and clingy all day so I ended up just switching over laundry all day and snuggling kids. No housework got done.

Thursday, Butter Bean had an appointment to catch him up on vaccines (I delay them until 6 months). I took String Bean to school, came home and packed diaper bags, then went to pick him up. We ran some errands, grabbed a few Christmas gifts and I dropped the older two off at hubby’s grandparents for the afternoon while I took Butter Bean in. He did wonderfully and didn’t even really cry. I called to see when they were going to take out Sweet Pea’s drain and the doctor office told me they had me on the schedule for the next day at 3:30. I said ok and thanks.

Hubbs called me right around the time he should have been getting to his grandparents (we go visit once a week) and told me he wouldn’t be coming because something happened at work that kept him there all evening. I had to wrangle 3 kids and get them ready for bed and back home on my own. Quite the workout…

Friday, Hubbs took a half day off of work to go along with me to Sweet Peas appointment. I dropped String Bean off at preschool. While he was there, Sweet Pea fell on her butt and pulled the drain some by catching it on the baseboard heater in our kitchen. I was so upset and nervous that she messed something up and we’d have to do it all again. We got there and they told us we were scheduled for the previous day and we missed the appointment. I told her that I called at almost the same time yesterday and the lady I talked to told me it was at “3:30, tomorrow afternoon.” and that I had even gotten a confirmation call the night before about “today’s” appointment.  They ended up taking us anyway. The took it out and Sweet Pea immediately looked more relieved. We took the kids to a local attraction and they loved it. Then we grabbed pizza on the way home and watched a movie while we ate. I was to go hunting bright and early the next morning so I got the kids in bed and packed up for the next day.

Thankfully Friday was a peaceful end to two crazy, busy, hellish weeks.

 

 

Hellish 2 Weeks, Part 2: Surgery

Friday morning, I woke up feeling a little more human. There were piles of vomit covered and poop covered blankets and towels from the morning before that needed washed. I had already tried washing what I could Thursday. My house was a mess. Sweet Pea was really hurting. I called her doctor and told them I wanted seen again, right away and I wanted them to actually try and do something. They told me to go to their walk in care office. I called my mom, again begrudgingly, and she came in to help with the boys.

The doctor that saw Sweet Pea took one look and asked why they didn’t refer to her to the hospital on Monday when we were in. I told her that they didn’t think it was a big deal. She was NOT happy. She was a new Pediatrician who I have never met but had just moved to the office from another local office because she wasn’t pleased with how they took care of their patients. Surprise to her that our office is the same…ha. The boys were getting out of hand and my mom decided to take them out to the waiting room.

My eldest runs from us and plays my mom. My mom will not try to catch him…she’s almost let him get hit by a car before. Mom took him out. I was so scared she’d lose him. As soon as mom walked out the new doctor looked at me and told me to take her straight to the ER at the best hospital around, which is an hour and a half drive away. She told me that the pediatricians and hospitals closest to us would not know how to handle it, being Sweet Pea was not quite 2 years old but that it NEEDED treatment and needed to be drained. Sweet Pea’s entire butt cheek and the top part of her leg were hard as a rock again. She apologized to me and couldn’t believe the other doctor had told me to keep draining it myself. I told her that I didn’t care much for that either. She was extremely helpful. She told me to expect the big town hospital to keep her overnight and do surgery on it to remove the pus and put in a drain.

I had nothing with me for more than a 3 hour trip out of the house so we ran to Target and called my dad to come get the boys or ride with us. I grabbed what I needed for the boys…diapers and formula for Butter Bean and activity items for String Bean.

When my dad got to Target to meet us, he offered to just take the boys home with him and mom overnight. I agreed since the boys are hard to manage especially in a hospital. My mom sat and threw a tantrum, begging me to let her go along to the hospital to be my “support person” while dad was left to wrangle two ornery boys by himself all night. Not in the mood to fight with her, I just left her come. I didn’t care if she came as long as Sweet Pea got fixed up asap. I’ve said it before but everything can be going smooth as butter and as soon as mom shows up, so does the chaos. She wasn’t too bad at the ER.

The pediatricians, surgeons and nurses kept coming in and giving me info, having me sign papers, admitting us and making plans to do surgery in the morning. The last thing on my mind was food. My mom kept telling me I had to eat. She wanted to go get me food. I told her I was fine, that I wasn’t hungry. They said they were getting ready to come in and put an I.V. in Sweet Peas arm. I was playing a game with her where she’d stand in the corner of the room and act like she was going to run toward me so I’d run toward her and growl. She’d squeal with delight and run at me. When she reached me, I’d grab her and toss her in the air, catch her and set her down then run the other way. She loved it. It was keeping her busy.

The doctor came in and mom told them that my sugar dropped a lot and I had to eat or I might faint. This is totally not true. I do not have any sort of problem. When I was a teenager, my blood pressure would drop. It’s always been lower than normal. I’ve never had any problem with sugar outside of it dropping during pregnancy. I just stared at my mom and I said, “I do not have sugar problems. What the heck?” The doctor just looked back and forth and walked out. This is the awkwardness I’m talking about. She loves and craves drama…and sometimes tries to stir it up for fun. Mom took a walk to go get food, even though I told her I was fine. And honestly, I was still getting over my virus and had no appetite. She brought me back mashed potatoes and gravy and a horrible tasting coffee. I told her I really wasn’t hungry. She told me I better eat because she spent money on that stuff and as much as it cost I better eat it. Ugh.

I walked out in the hall to call Hubbs to let him know they were getting ready to put in an IV and were keeping her overnight. He was working. It’s difficult for him to leave his job if I can handle something on my own. I told him surgery was in the morning. While I was on the phone with him, the doctor went in our room so I told Hubbs I had to go. I ran in the room as the doctor was walking out. He told me they were going to be in shortly with the I.V. I thanked him. Mom told me they were pretty sure my hubby probably has MRSA virus in his body and Sweet Pea probably got this from him since he gets abscesses all of the time. In the 5 years we’ve been married, he’s had 4. I take everything she says with a grain of salt so I figured if they were going to test for it, they’d tell me or ask me about my hubby. Heaven only knows what she told the doctor.

They got the IV in and by this time it was 7:30pm and past bedtime. Sweet Pea laid on my lap and watched T.V. She was attached to the I.V. post as they were pumping her full of an antibiotic then fluid. They were giving her two rounds of an antibiotic throughout the night. She started to get restless. My sister came in around 8:30 with a birthday present for her. It was a wand that repeatedly sang just one line of “Let it Go.” It kept her busy at least. My sister and my mom are 2 in 1 the same person, I swear. She came up to get my mom for me. Our family has a weird dynamic.

Hubbs finally got there around 9 or so. I was so happy to see him, I started to tear up. Mom and Sis left. Dad assured me the boys were fine and sleeping soundly via text. I snuggled down with Sweet Pea and tried to soothe her to sleep. Finally at 11 she dosed off. I laid there and couldn’t sleep. I was worried about her getting anesthesia for the first time. I was worried she was scared and would be terrified before and after surgery.

I finally dozed off around 1:30 a.m., laying in the tiny bed with her in between my legs, sprawled out while I was in a half sitting position…my already sore neck was cricked to the side…

At 2 a.m. the nurse knocked on the door and woke us up to tell us we were being moved to a room on the pediatric floor. They took us up to the room and of course Sweet Pea woke up. She was NOT happy to still be hooked up to the IV and not able to really go anywhere. The got us a children’s sized bed and took the crib out so I could sleep with her. She wasn’t allowed to eat or drink after midnight and of course she wanted some milk. The anesthesiologist had told me earlier that if she absolutely had to have milk to let her have a little. After having her upset and fussing and crying for an hour, I finally gave in and left her have some milk. She fell right to sleep. At 4 the nurse came in and tried to ream me out for letting her have milk. I told her what the anesthesiologist had told me and that he’d told me if I had any trouble with the nurses to have them contact him. She got upset and walked out.

They came in at 6 to check her vitals and start the second round of antibiotics. Of course that woke her up and she was so upset that she couldn’t have milk or eat. Her surgery was scheduled for 8. They never took her back until 9:30. They took her back crying and screaming for me. I cried. Finally, they called us at 11:30 to come back with her.

She was still asleep. When she woke up, she was thrashing around, screaming and crying and trying to get the I.V. and bandages off. It took her an hour to calm down. As soon as we got her back to the room, we snuggled and watched Frozen and Aladdin while she got to eat pizza, french fries, carrots, and fruit. She was so happy to be eating.

Around 3:30pm they told us we could go home soon. They took out her IV, we got packed up and signed the papers. We were out of there by 4:15pm. We made it home around 6pm. My parents brought the boys home. My hubby ran to town and got us food after we got home. I cleaned up the towels and blankets and tossed them all in separated piles to be washed. I vacuumed and washed the floors then sprayed lysol on every door knob and light switch to kill off germs from the virus we had.

Hubbs came back from town and told me his grandparents were taking over Thanksgiving since I was supposed to host it the next day but had to cancel. He told me we were going to their house 45 minutes away all day. I told him he was crazy. After the week we had, then the hospital stay and next to no sleep all week, he still wanted to go visit family? Especially the first time we were all getting together in 2 years, with all of that tension? I was upset with him. I just wanted to stay home, be with my little family and catch up a little bit. I was overly stimulated from the week and my inner introvert self was done with all of it. I prefer to be alone in general so naturally I had had too much interaction with people all week and needed a break. He told me it would probably do the kids and I all good to go have someone else take care of us (grandparents and parents) for the day.

Sunday morning was stressful. I had slept on Sweet Pea’s floor with her in her crib Saturday night to make sure she didn’t hurt herself or accidentally pull the drain. She had a habit of taking off her diaper first thing each morning and jumping up and down in her bed and she sleeps with around 20 stuffed animals. Around 1 a.m. I heard a heaving sound and jumped awake to her throwing up. I grabbed her and ran for the bathroom. She had already thrown up all through her bed. I cleaned her up and changed her clothes. I took her over to our room and handed her to my husband while I cleaned up her bed and tossed all of her blankets and sheets on a pile and her stuffed animals in the washer. I grabbed a big metal bowl and took her back other room. I laid her beside me on the floor and cuddled her. When she had to throw up, we grabbed the big metal bowl. I ended up being up with her most of that night too. The next morning, in no way did I want to go visit my in laws for the dinner *I* was supposed to be preparing that day and dealing with a potentially extremely stressful day.

Sweet Pea finally started feeling better around 10 or so that morning. I got everyone bathed and cleaned up, packed diaper bags, got myself ready and all of that jazz. About halfway through getting myself ready, my hubby started carrying on with me. He was trying to be funny and make me feel better but in my world it was incredibly insensitive. I was completely sleep deprived, still partially had a virus myself, and my neck was STILL killing me. I was worried sick about my kids…One had been throwing up and had a drain in her bottom. One had the tail end of the virus still. I was still worked up from my oldest almost drowning in his sleep one night and was terrified one of them would actually do that. My youngest had yet to catch anything so I was terrified he would do what my oldest did and almost drown on his puke in the middle of the night and I wouldn’t know. Well after Hubbs said something (I don’t even remember what it was now but it just happened to be the last straw), I just started to cry. He told me to “get a hold of yourself…you’re a grown woman, act like it.” I don’t think he realized how upset I really was so I started really crying and slammed the bathroom door. I sat in there and cried my eyes out (right after I had just got done doing my makeup…stupidly). I had an anxiety attack.

Once all was said and done, I stood up, fixed my clothes, reapplied my makeup and went about my day. Hubbs apologized when I came out and told me he was just playing with me and didn’t mean to upset me. When he’s upset or stressed he gets super sarcastic and tries to screw with me for fun…I’m ok with that and usually play along but this particular week, I was stressed and overwhelmed too so I lost it momentarily.

 

We got the kids around and out the door by 12. It was also Sweet Pea’s second birthday so we gave her her gifts before we left. When we got to Gramma and Pappy’s, everyone was cheerful and happy. The mood was light. The boys played (Our oldest and their oldest). The girls (our second and their second/last) were both still not up to par. Their little girl had been sick that week and Sweet Pea of course was in pain. We all chatted and visited in a friendly manner. The visit was pleasant and went very well. We came home and went straight to bed.

 

Stay tuned for the last part…the second week from hell.

Hellish 2 weeks, Week 1.

So much has been happening. The last 2 weeks have been…hell.

In my last post I wrote that I was looking to start bleeding from what I suspected to be a chemical pregnancy. I never did. I’ve been bloated ever since. My pregnancy tests are still negative and I had a positive opk 6 days ago where I could physically feel my body ovulate a day and a half later. I did some research and found out that the pregnancy tests I had positives on have a very high false positive rate and are basically worthless. I left a nasty review and went on with life.

The week before Thanksgiving week we all had a pretty rough cold. I had been having a bad pain shooting through my neck all week too. The week also started out with my daughter having a pimple on her bottom. I noticed it, getting her out of the tub…it had a little pus in it. I figured it would just clear up. It was just a pimple and it was small. By that Friday it looked like it was starting to become an abscess.

Saturday night it was looking a little more rough. The pediatrician was closed and our local urgent care is not very helpful (the last time we went, they told us to take our kids to a pediatrician rather than there because they aren’t certified to work with kids under the age of 4…Our area just SUCKS for healthcare) so my husband scratched the head off of it and tried to squeeze it. A little pus came out and we could feel the head down inside. We left it alone.

Sunday, my hubby’s family came to visit. Just because. They bought pizza. I was sick. SO sick. I also had cramping and weird pulling pains in my abdomen and thought sure I was going to start bleeding. My neck was hurting so bad by this point (2 weeks after it initially started hurting) that I couldn’t even turn my head. Sweet Pea’s butt was really swollen up big and definitely an abscess. It was hard for her to walk. Hubbs gets abscesses fairly often and pops them himself…so we tried to drain it a bit before we put her to bed to relieve a little pressure. When Hubbs squeezed it, a large amount of pus came out. We cleaned her up and put her to bed, hoping it would start to clear up a little.

The next day, on Monday morning, she was crying in pain from it and her whole butt cheek was swollen and hard as a rock. She would not put any pressure on that leg and limped around the house. I pulled the head off to relieve some pressure and cheesy, pus poured out. On the way to drop String Bean off at preschool, we grabbed breakfast because we had had a crazy Saturday and company was up on Sunday plus I was still sick. My neck was killing me. We were already running 10 mins behind schedule. About 10 mins from the school…at the time we should have been pulling in to the school, Sweet Pea started throwing up. I gave her a cup and caught it. I called the school and told them what was going on and that I needed to take her to the doctor. I called the Pediatrician and they scheduled us an appointment for late morning.

I am not fond of my children’s pediatricians office. I hate it. It’s the only one close enough, where I have family close enough to come help me if I need it, with at least 1 good doctor. She’s very rare to be able to get in with though. The town is 45 mins from us and 45 mins from our family so we can meet in the middle if I need help which is the biggest reason why I go there.

I begrudgingly called my mom to come meet me to help with the boys. She helps…but when she’s around things get completely chaotic. She helps but she doesn’t. I’d probably be better off going myself. She agreed and dragged my poor gramma along. When we got in there, the ped said that it didn’t seem like a full on abscess yet and would probably clear up on it’s own. She told me to have my husband continue to drain it (squeeze it to relieve it and keep our baby in pain…) and if it continued to get worse to bring her back in. She said to watch it for 2-3 days and bring her back in if it wasn’t getting better by the third day. (It was already bad.) The Ped also gave her an oral Bactrin prescription. That pediatrician was absolutely nuts! It was most certainly an abscess and should have been dealt with right then and there. Her entire butt cheek was swollen and rock hard. I *would* have asked for a second opinion but honestly…I’ve not met but one doctor at that practice who knows what they’re doing. They’ve mis diagnosed my children more times than I can count. I typically end up going in up to 4 or even 5 times before they are diagnosed right and I just didn’t have it in me to deal with them, my mom and 3 small children, 45 minutes from home, the week of thanksgiving (which I was supposed to host).

Tuesday it was even worse. I tried to pull the head off and couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt her so I left it go. Giving her the Bactrin was hell too. She hates medicine. I began giving her motrin at bedtime.

Wednesday we were all finally getting over our colds. Sweet Pea, cried and fussed on and off all day. Butter Bean started working on getting in 6 (!!!) teeth at one time and was clingy, fussy, crying all day long, along with Sweet Pea fussing and crying. I’ve never had a kid get that many teeth at one time. String Bean laid around and watched t.v. all day. That night, the head was black with a white ring around it. Hubbs told me to disinfect some tweezers because she needed relief. I gave him the tweezers and held her for him. He pulled the head off and pus shot out everywhere. He tried to squeeze it some but had to stop because she started throwing up from the pain. I was so mad at our pediatrician. I decided the next morning, she was going to their walk in clinic if it was open (Thanksgiving).

Thanksgiving morning around 2 a.m. I was having the weirdest dream. It was so realistic. Something made me jump awake out of the dream. I had no idea why but mommy sense told me to get to String Bean. I immediately rushed to my oldest child, who shares our room with us for the time being, and just as my mommy senses warned me…he wasn’t breathing. He was silently choking in his sleep on vomit. I grabbed him up and started shaking him to get him to breathe. I kept saying his name then pushed him forward over my knees and started hitting his back. He started to cough then threw up all over the place. I hit my husband, who was still snoring away, on the leg and yelled at him to get up and help me get String Bean to the bathroom. The rest of the morning, he threw up every hour. At 6a.m. he started with diarrhea. Finally around 10 a.m. he held down some milk. We took a bowl with us to visit family. We stopped at urgent care to get Sweet Pea checked out and to get my neck checked because at this point, I couldn’t turn it at all. I had a headache and my ear was throbbing. There weren’t any open. When we got to my family’s place, Sweet Pea was in a lot of pain. We pulled the head off of her abscess and a ton of stuff came out. It shot up in the air about 6 inches off of her bottom then drained. The rest of the day, it continued to drain. That afternoon I was feeling rough. By the time we got to my in-laws to pick up one of our vehicles that we had left there, I was so sick and dizzy that I couldn’t stand up straight. My whole body hurt and ached. I never threw up or anything but I was miserable. We left the vehicle there. As soon as we got home, I went straight to bed. It was only 9:30pm which is early for me.

 

Stay tuned for part 2…the weekend and surgery.