New Blog/New Beginnings

Hey everyone!

I am working on setting up a different blog. There have been so many things happen this year and I am excited to get started with a new journey and new adventures!

I will not be posting in here anymore. My new blog address is:

https://dphen-farmfitnessandbeyond.com

I will be moving some posts from here to there but I will be running everything from that blog.

You can also follow me and my journey on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/danigotfit/

And on instagram:

danigotfit

Thanks for being part of my life and journey. I am just starting up so things are slow on those pages right now but I am working on getting posts up daily!

Catching up.

I haven’t blogged in FOR-EV-ER.

OH MY GOSH. So much is going on. So much has been going on. Good and bad.

I’m hoping to spend the next few days/weeks to catch up on here.

Main points:

My pap is in the hospital and dying. Lots of visiting him.

My hubby’s pap had a deadly experience recently.

We are slowly figuring out my oldest son’s behavioral issues.

Kindergarten registration is right around the corner (Noooo! I can’t have a kid that old yet?!).

I am in the middle of a 12 week fitness challenge and doing pretty well with it (we’ll ignore the starbucks and fast food from today…I was traveling and had some time away from my kids thanks to my parents so I “splurged” on my clean eating).

I start the 21 day fix officially, tomorrow and the basics of meal prep is DONE…(I am working on maybe making videos for this on youtube).

I am working my way toward becoming a Beach body coach because I have fallen in love with their products, programs and awesome people.

Spring…gardening…farm life resuming soon!

I am doing my first homemade mini greenhouse to start my own plants this year.

I filled out my FAFSA form to try and take a class this fall…and hubby might take 2 classes (working toward an MBA).

We are making plans to move back “home” to the farm in a couple of years (Lots needs done there first though)

I am working on my future with the farm.

I’m learning to let the house go a little bit (meaning it DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT AT ALL TIMES) and just be a mom and a wife…The house is staying more clean this way much to my surprise and my kids are happier…hmmm…

Butter Bean will be one this month so I’m party planning. 😦

We have stopped trying to have another baby…it’s just not the right time.

 

I think that’s the jist of it. I’ll elaborate more later but for now…that’s why I’ve been busy! Other than sick grandfathers, I’m feeling good about where we are right now. 🙂

Juice cleanse day 2: This can’t be healthy

Juice#1: Sweet Spin. Not bad. Not bad at all. Green juice. Leafy bits not as noticeable. It tastes like a green juice just slightly sweeter.

Hungry. I just want food. The cinnamon sugar waffles I made for the kids are looking so good. Just a plain waffle sounds good. Craving carbs bad. Sugar not so much.

Juice #2: Spicy Lemonade again…I just can’t. I’m grouchy. I am hungry. It makes me gag with the first sip. My stomach started heaving. Let me say, I was not nauseas this whole time. The taste of the juice makes me gag. It’s horrible.

Sweet Pea asks me for an orange. I peel it and divide it up for her. We almost always share. I usually eat half and she eats half. We also usually eat a small portion of protein snack at this point in the day too.

I caved. I ate half of the orange and a bite of deer meat. I feel like I could binge eat everything in the house. I have not and will not. I also ate 3 carrot sticks and 3 corn chips. I had to eat. I have no headaches. I have no nausea. I am, however, horribly hungry and grouchy. I decided this can’t be a good idea. I’m not sure why people promote it. I’m not sure why I tried it.

I put the rest in the freezer to replace snacks and dessert this week.

Is it really healthy to do a juice detox or is it better to just start eating clean with portion control and let your body detox itself over time? It can’t be healthy to let yourself starve for 3 or 5 days.  The highest calorie count on the juices was 240. On just one of all of the juices I have. The rest were 80 calories to 160.  That puts a person at less than 1000 calories in one day. I think yesterdays caloric total for me was right around 800 calories. That is NOT enough. I require around 1800 calories a day. If I’m working out I require around 2000. I have to have protein, produce and some healthy carbs in my day. There has to be a balance.

Over the last week or so I have been eating fairly clean apart from a few Starbucks coffees. I’m pretty sure a body would do better at detoxing if it’s done over time with clean eating and not starvation.

I plan to continue clean eating because I want to get into the best shape I can and I feel better when I do but this juicing is horrible. There is no way this is healthy.

Day #1 of my 3 day juice cleanse

I start my 3 day juice detox today. I bought my juice from Jus by Julie.

This post will contain thoughts of my day.

Juice #1: Gag! Greens. Oh I’m not sure I can stomach this. I slowly just kept up with it until it was gone. It was so watery with leafy bits in it. I love salad but since my 3rd child, little leafy bits just aren’t going to work with my gag reflex. I got through it though.

Juice #2: Oh wow…I don’t even know what to say. Spicy lemonade. It has lemon, cayenne pepper, maple syrup and water. It is ok but yuck. I’m hungry. STARVING. This was a stupid decision and waist of money…

I really want eggs or a Larabar. Corn chips look amazing right now so does that 5 day old turkey…Ok. I’m starving. Better get busy on housework and keep my mind off of food. Ok, I can’t finish this spicy lemonade…I’m going to puke. Yeah…I ended up only drinking 1/3 of it before I started to gag too much.

Juice #3: Dr. Green. 1/4 of it down…then I just couldn’t. I think it was the texture. I’m wondering if maybe I can add Chia seeds or a banana or something to add a little more texture. It was watery with a few little leafy pieces floating around. I don’t believe there are enough calories in these juices to sustain someone. The one’s I’ve had so far have 80-140 calories per bottle. Anyway, I kind of failed here and I ate some fresh carrots because I had to eat something or I was going to faint. It says in the pamphlet to eat raw or steamed veggies though, if you have to. It also says you can eat egg whites at dinnertime. I had a few egg whites too. I cannot start my day off not eating anything at all. I just can’t.

Let me just say, I LOVE fruits and veggies. I eat them pretty often…like seriously with every meal and when I eat snacks it is an apple or carrots or something. I do eat junk food too, don’t get me wrong. The first 3 juices just didn’t cut it in flavor…I can’t do plain leafy flavor or lemonade with cayenne. I just can’t. In saying that…it might be just that I’m having a major sugar withdraw.

At this point I had a cup of coffee.

Juice #4: Chia Berry. OH. MY. GOSH. Can I just drink THIS one all day? It was really good. The chia seeds gave it enough texture that I didn’t feel like barfing it up. Chia seeds are a good addition. The taste was tangy and sweet.

Juice #5: My thoughts were “Oh no! It’s green! I can’t do anymore leafy bits!” It is called Matcha Chia. It’s surprisingly good. I actually don’t mind it at all. I honestly think it’s the chia seeds for texture. Would it really hurt if I added a teaspoon to each of the thinner juices? I’m not hungry at this point…my hunger pangs aren’t bad at all. I am incredibly sleepy but kept up with my cleaning to keep my mind off of food.

My husband got off of work, much to my surprise, at lunch time, and took the older two to visit their grandparents for the afternoon. I have cleaned and scrubbed everything in this house as well as played with our youngest. I’ve purged, moved furniture, scrubbed out the fridge, the freezer, worked on laundry, bathed a baby, played with our dog, played with our baby, hung some pictures, you name it, I probably did it…I’ve worked my tail off today. I actually don’t feel too horrible at all. I did have some food with sustenance at lunch though after almost barfing up those two juices.

Juice #6: Extreme Greens. Oh no…another green. ACTUALLY, it tasted better than the other greens. There were hemp seeds and a lot of little pieces from those that got on my nerves but all in all in was pretty good too. I got through the day with just a few carrots and a little bit of protein that I had to have after those initial juices.

Tomorrow is a new set. The second drink every. single. day. is the spicy lemonade…that one might just have to be replaced with an apple or carrots the next two days because I can’t stomach it. I will try it again tomorrow though.

 

 

 

New tattoos

I got my tattoos last night.

My husband had the day off…well mostly. He was home more than usual.

He ran our oldest to and from preschool.

He picked up pizza and cheesy breadsticks for dinner.

I got to leave early and grab myself coffee and a few necessity groceries then I went to the tattoo parlor.

I. LOVE. Them.

The tiger inside of a butterfly took about 2.5-3 hours. The flower was a really quick job to cover a scar from a big mole I had removed 6 years ago. The dandelion and sparrows were my first tattoo.

It felt good to get out and get more ink. The healing process is going to be interesting. My daughter has yeast and we are still fighting off that third abscess from staph or mrsa (we have to have her tested). It’s interesting trying to keep the kids from touching them…ok, it’s down right hard. I also can’t work out until they heal up so I’m feeling kind of bored and restless….I can’t really wear a bra with supportive straps yet.

I love them though.

Buckle up for a crazy week…

We were snowed in with 30 inches (give or take a couple)…Our driveway and the roads are still a mess. I got the boys room and clothing purged and caught up on dishes and laundry. Felt good but I have the rest of the house and clothing to get to now. **sighs** String Bean’s preschool closed for tomorrow thanks to the snow. He’s upset…go figure.

String Bean has an ear infection and I’m almost certain he also has croup. He is barkng up a storm with his cough.

Butter Bean has what I believe to be the starts of croup and he has a low grade fever. He had his 6 month vaccines (at 10 months old…we delay them a little bit), 4 days ago so I’m thinking his fever and extreme crankiness is from those and maybe teething.

Sweet Pea has her third abscess in 3 months. Each month, on the 23rd a new one pops up. The first one, our Pediatrician told us to keep draining it…we ended up in the hospital with surgery and a drain put in because “draining it” actually made it spread to be very very wide and very deep. The second abscess, we went to a different Dr instead of her Pediatrician. He told us not to pop it, just to let her soak in epsom salts baths multiple times a day and he put her on antibiotics. If it got a big head, we were to scratch it off but NOT pop it. It drained itself and went away. This time, I’ve been soaking her in epsom salt baths 1-4 times a day. Abscess got a head, the head seemed to have popped itself and it seemed like it was healing. Today it got a huge head and is now dark red and hard as a rock. As I was putting cream on it tonight, she got sick from the pain and threw up the entire contents of her stomach…joy….

In the morning, I have an appointment with my OB/GYN. Before I leave, I plan to soak her in a warm salt bath after I scratch the head off and pray it drains itself. 

 

Poor little lady also seems to be having an allergic reaction to our dogs fur. She breaks out in welts and a hives-like rash every time she cuddles Gracie (our dog). She has had a rash on and off since we got the dog but flairs up horribly right after snuggling Gracie.

Sweet Pea too seems to be getting the starts of croup.

I have an appointment with my OB/GYN about the pains I’ve been having in my ovaries, possible anemia, my hormonal imbalance and the horrendous bleeding I’ve had this week.

After I get back from my appointment (which my husband is so graciously watching 3 small children in the middle of his work day for), I have to pack up a diaper bag and head back to town (where my appointment is…45 minutes away) and take the 3 kids in for various things: All 3 for croup…a barking cough. One for that, her rash, and her abscess…
Thank God my gramma is meeting me to help. I’m exhausted just thinking about it all.

By the time that is all over with and we are back home, safe and sound, it’ll be 5 or 6 and I’ve already decided on pizza for dinner.

Tuesday, I have to drive to my hometown (nearly 2 hours away) to attend a funeral. It will be a long day of running kids to drop them off and pick them up then not getting back home until late at night.

Wednesday, I have a tattoo scheduled. Well, 2 tattoos actually. I am getting a small scar covered up on my back and a bigger one on the left side of my chest. I’ll go into more detail on those later. My session will be 3-4 hours long.

Thursday should…SHOULD be calmer but we have to go to my hubby’s grandparents for dinner.

Friday, I have nothing planned. I do, however have my juice cleanse showing up that day and I plan on doing that over the weekend.

I will be in the gym each day but Tuesday. Bring it on, week. Bring it on.

Changing monotony

“One day you’ll wake up

and there won’t be anymore time

to do the things

you always wanted to do.

Do it now.”

I have that quote hung on my refrigerator.

I saw it right before or maybe during the holidays and vowed to do just that.

“As soon as the holidays are over, I’ll get on my dreams.” Ha! Good one, Danielle! Very funny. Very funny…You have a real great track record for actually doing exactly what you say you will, right?

Seriously though, why am I still sitting here spinning my wheels then? I saw another quote at the beginning of the month,

“Adventure may hurt you,

but monotony will kill you…”

I have now made the above quote my mantra as well.  Then the annoying part of my mind laughs at my foolishness in thinking I could actually do something outside of the monotony. “Haha. Yeah right. My only adventure is being a mom. It’s all I can do right now. What other choice do I have?  Better just sit on your toosh and give up.” 

Ouch. Monotony is killing me. It’s killing my soul. I hate doing the same thing over and over again. I hate waking up, getting showered, getting kids ready (i.e. fighting with them all morning to actually move), breakfast, preschool, cleaning, t.v, lunch, cuddles, preschool pickup, laundry, dinner, evening rush, baths, bedtime battles, then sitting on my butt vegging out after I cleaned up dinner. I am SO. BORED. WITH. LIFE.

I often wonder why I decided to be a mom so young. I was 22 when I had my first. I wanted to travel. I wanted to go to college…I wasn’t sure what for but I wanted an education. I was working at a bank as a CSR but wanted something more. I wanted to start up an organic vegetable farm. I wanted to take on the world.

I traveled twice out of state. Once down to Georgia to see my uncle (who is like an older brother) graduate from basic training in Ft. Benning. The second time I went from the east coast (where I live) to the west coast (Washington state) to visit my uncle for a week as they were stationed there. Exciting. I couldn’t wait for more adventures like that. I had planned on taking more adventures.

I was taking general studies courses at a local community college while I figured out what degree I officially wanted to go for. I loved it. I lived on my own. I worked and made my own money. My hubby and I were dating and he went to college 2 hours away. My in laws let me live in an old run down house on their farm in exchange for home cooked goodies and help on the farm when they needed it. I. Was. Free.

 I got pregnant…Hubbs was home for the weekend and we slipped up…and we didn’t care at that point for whatever reason.

My dreams came crashing down. I continued on to quit my job right after String Bean was born and give up all of my dreams to be a mom. I became depressed. I still struggle with that. I had more kids. I still feel trapped most of the time.

Over time that same old same old things, the monotony, has killed my soul.

As of now, I want my degree in Agribusiness management…or maybe business management…I don’t know for sure. I want some higher education and a degree. I’ve *tried* before and failed. Mostly I gave up because I felt guilty about letting my kids with a “friend” while I went and fulfilled my dreams. Some things happened I didn’t feel comfortable with and I stopped taking them to her…I am terrified to let them with anyone. I don’t have family to help. Hubbs is very supportive of anything I do but he tends to naturally want to do his own thing (in a good way.) He knows exactly what he wants. He wants to climb the ladder. He wants to further his education and essentially increase his already awesome potential for anything. He is determined and lets nothing get in his way…even family and a wife.

I was once like that. I’m not sure why I stopped. Perhaps becoming a mom and the helpless depressed feeling that came with it weakened my strive for life but I know one thing…he is my biggest inspiration to go get it in life and in a sense the one person I want to be more like.

The “Danielle” I’ve become since having kids makes excuses all of the time. Everything is too hard because (insert whatever stupid excuse I make at the time that I’m making an excuse). Really anything is attainable…if you stop making excuses and plant your feet firmly on the ground then take a leap of faith while deciding that NOTHING with get in your way.

Why can’t I go get my degree? Why can’t I start out slow with one class a semester?

If I really wanted to I could. My hubby is planning to take some classes this fall to get his MBA (see what I mean about bettering his potential always, no matter what obstacles he may have…the man works 60-100 hours a week at times and is a dad and husband…a damn good dad and husband at that…) He’ll be gone 1-2 nights a week until late at night. I’ll be home alone with the kiddos. They go to bed at 8…9 or so in the summer. Why can’t I take a late class 1-2 nights a week, online, while he’s gone and the kids are sleeping? I can start signing up for grants and financial help now. As a SAHM, I’m eligible for something, right? I’ve also read that I am eligible for assistance with childcare IF I would have to go to a class during the day so really, what IS holding me back? Fear. I’m afraid of the adventure…but not the monotony. I SHOULD be afraid of the monotony that is killing my soul.

Commence research on that then. Anyone reading this with insight? Please comment…I’m all for it.

What else do *I* want?

I want to get into my best shape. I want less fat and more muscle to the point of being able to possibly compete in bikini competitions someday. Weird I know but I’ve talked to my hubby and he’s supportive of it…He’s helping motivate me. I’m a mom of 3 so small. If we have another baby someday, I want to be in shape the entire pregnancy. How can I? Again, we live away from family. I don’t know many people here. The family that can help aren’t exactly the most reliable or mentally stable.

I joined the gym. It has child care. Unless my kids are sick, do I really have much of an excuse? Nope. My hubby even offers to watch them so I can go. He has never told me I have to lose weight. He’s always told me I’m beautiful at any weight. Even at 150lbs, he told me “as long as you’re healthy, I don’t care how big you are…the only reason I’d be upset with you for your weight is if it was extremely unhealthy.” He has told me that many times. Deep down inside, I’m sure he’d love to see a sexy mama with muscle and lower body fat. Who wouldn’t? He’s my inspiration.

I’m not sure what sparked all of this. Those quotes woke me up and shook my soul. So many times since I’ve became a mom I’ve thought of this, wrote posts, talked to friends and got started only to quit my dreams because of a lame excuse. It was “too hard.” No, I was just lazy and depressed and gave up. I was scared. No more. My life changes now. I am NOT just a mom and homemaker. I have dreams. I will not let monotony kill my soul for good. I will not waist precious short amount I’ve been given on this Earth by spending it in fear of the unknown.

I want to do something with my life. You know what? I will. No more excuses.

4:00 p.m.

4:00 p.m. everyday, I feel like I’m going to flip my shit. Literally. It’s total witching hour here at our house.

Every. Single. Day. At exactly 4:00 in the afternoon my children, all 3 kids and our dog, go absolutely insane. There is screaming, destroying the house, yelling, fighting, laughing, dancing, tantrums, peeing on the floor, pooping/peeing in the potty and carrying it around the house while yelling “Maaaamaa! I pooped!”, hitting, wrestling, timeout,  climbing the walls, climbing my legs and pulling my pants down as they do, breaking into the snack cupboard, screaming for more milk (water, ice…whatever…), more fighting, more laughing, more screaming…etc.

The dog runs back and forth, jumping up and down, barking, nipping (she’s only 3 months old)…etc.

It all repeats itself and I feel my mind teetering on the edge of sanity.

Today I am on that edge. Holy moly these kids are extremely exhausting.

They have done a complete destruction derby on my home since preschool pickup (early…joy!) at 2 today. It’s now 4:30. I mean the whole house is destroyed. I cannot even explain how bad it is.  It’s snowing…we are right in the center of the whole blizzard path.

Everything is going A-wall.

I just made a pot of coffee and started gulping down my first cup. My wonderful hubby is bringing home pizza for dinner to save me. Thank God for that  man.

My oldest, along with his ear infection, has also developed croup I’m sure. He’s bark-coughing. My youngest decided that 10:30 at night is a great time to wake up and be up until 2, playing and exploring last night because he is at a point of learning new things like walking… I haven’t slept even a half a night in…a week or more? My hubby was to have off this weekend but is now going to be plowing snow at least all day tomorrow. He’ll leave here at 3 or 4 in the morning tomorrow and I’ll be snowed in with 3 kids all day…after not sleeping all week.

We don’t have a snow suit that fits the oldest because I was terribly unprepared for a blizzard.

I’m planning to chug more coffee and stay up most of the night clean my house and possibly finish laundry and meal plan for a really REALLY busy week ahead, while I keep an eye on my sick 4 year old…I’m almost certain the baby is next in line for croup.

Tomorrow we are hoping to bake cookies, play in the snow, and consume hot cocoa. Hopefully it’s a less chaotic day…

 

 

 

Bad day blues

WARNING: This post contains a possible trigger for mom’s of loss.

My oldest has an ear infection. My middle child has her third abscess in 3 months starting. My youngest just got his 6 month vaccines (at 10 months old…we delay them). I have the heaviest period ever. We all have various levels of colds.

This week went to shit fast.

My house is an absolute mess.

I have yet to go to the gym this week (though I have planned my workouts for next week).

I am getting no where with my reorganization.

I am still behind on laundry.

I haven’t done dishes in 2 days.

I kept my oldest home from school today because he was up until 11 pm coughing and I personally am so physically drained from all of this blood. He is in rare form now that his antibiotic has set in. I can barely stand him and his attitude at this moment. In truth, he’s being a total and complete brat to make up for a day and a half of being sick.

Physically, I feel better today but am still bleeding heavy. I have some energy returning though. I feel weird…off…just not myself. I’m not sure but I might be having an early loss. I’ve been bleeding heavily for 3 days now. This morning I woke up with a gush of blood, then some small clots and then lost a ball of pinkish gray tissue. Since that tissue, I am still bleeding fairly heavily but it’s gotten somewhat lighter…I’ve also not been active since then…just laying around watching t.v. with my kids while keeping our puppy out of mischief.  I have never had a period like this before.

I am trying to get the motivation to get some cleaning done. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I put in Frozen for my older two while the youngest is sleeping, drank my coffee and wrote this post…Now I think it’s time to get a hot shower and try to get motivated.

I’m putting on my workout clothing, putting on some upbeat music and making myself get to cleaning. That’s the only way to get it done. I’m going to get these kids involved. I’m going to make myself a mocha latte for added energy, eat some fruit and get the day done.

Today’s agenda will be catching up on laundry and dishes, and organizing. Supper tonight is homemade chicken noodle soup for all of sickies in the house.

In the words of Miss Stacy from Anne of Green Gables, “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it…well with no mistakes in it yet.”

Today has started with a few mistakes and laziness on my part but that doesn’t mean the rest of today has to go that way. 

Not pregnant (tmi post)

This post contains TMI. You’ve been forewarned. 😉

 

I had a big post written up about a month ago regarding my body and the way I’d been feeling. I accidentally deleted it. Basically I’ve been having horrible pains and pulling at my ovaries for a month and half on and off. I have been feeling run down, nauseas, dizzy, lightheaded…it was a pregnancy/period feeling.

After all of this pain in my ovaries for 2+ weeks, I got a positive opk 2 weeks ago. For 3 days in a row it was close to positive, positive, then close to positive. The day I got a blaring positive, I had a horrible pain shoot through my right ovary that brought me to my knees. Then all together the pain stopped. About 4-5 days later, I started having weird pregnancy like symptoms that were throwing me off. I don’t get my period regularly. I only get one 1-2 times a year. PCOS…polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was unofficially diagnosed before I got pregnant with my second child.

Well, I have been finished breastfeeding my third, 100%, since early November. I have yet to have a postpartum period. I am 10 months out.  I am chalking the pain and issues over the last month and a half to my body trying to ovulate and have a period for the first time after baby.

Yesterday morning, I was 15 days past and I woke up in horrible cramping and pulling pain.  I was horribly nauseas and couldn’t even look at or smell certain foods. I thought for sure I had to be pregnant.

I took String Bean to preschool in 19 degree weather with a -degree windchill. Halfway back home Sweet Pea decided to just randomly barf all over the car. When we got home, I had to bath her and while she was in the tub, Butter Bean pooped up his back so I wiped him down and tossed him in with her.

I got them out and got Sweet Pea dressed. While I was in the middle of dressing Butter Bean, I got horribly nauseas and dizzy. Then I got this horrible cramping lower back pain and felt a ton of pressure.

Suddenly, I felt like something popped and I felt a flood of wetness and ran to the bathroom.

Blood.

I had no indication. Usually I’ll at least get some spotting or pink discharge before I get a period. This all came like a flood. It’s been heavy since. Some clotting. I’m not cramping too bad. My hips feel like they do as I’m going into labor…they hurt. I’m achy all over. Today, I’m starting to wonder if I’m having an early loss or something. I had a few seemingly faint faint positive tests the day before all of this. This is the weirdest period, I’ve ever had.

Today I’m filling up a large pad every hour or less. I’ve leaked through my pad twice and had to change my bottoms twice.

 

I’m hoping once this period gets over with, my body feels a little better. Maybe it could all be related. I used to drink chaste berry tea and took vitex supplements to help regulate my reproductive system and keep everything semi regular. I have some in the cupboard that I bought a few weeks ago…I think I might start drinking it daily again.

 

So the week I was to start at the gym, I got a horribly heavy period and if I even lift my kids, my hips feel like they are separating and I have to go change my pad…Wonderful, right?

Hopefully in a day or so it starts to settle down enough that I can feel less self conscious enough that I can go to the gym and get started. Until then, I’m working gently at home.

Life is hilarious that way, it seems…